life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
