I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
