The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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