ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You may now shotgun with the bride
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
