My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize