Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
