You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
