the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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