my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
