She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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