if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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