nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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