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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
