i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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