just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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