he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My cat gives me a boner
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
