I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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