Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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