I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
