Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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