saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
