Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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