Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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