i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
