she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
