We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
