I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
