I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
