I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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