I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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