wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
