At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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