I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She told me I should be a condom model.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize