Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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