She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
