obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
