Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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