i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
