I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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