Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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