i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
