I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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