i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
