just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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