I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
