I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
