I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
