Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
