I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
