Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
