All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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