I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My vagina just recognized that song.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
