I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is it penis luge time yet?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
