Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
