You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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