Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
