Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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