Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
