He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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