i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
