I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
