There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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