My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
