Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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