I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
