Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
