Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
