If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
