I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize