i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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