I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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