I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All I want is dick and wine.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
