Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
