why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
