and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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