New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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