At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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