On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
COCAINE IS GR8
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
